Therapy for Adult Daughters Struggling With Their Mothers

If conversations with your mother leave you tense, frustrated, or unsure how to respond, therapy helps you make sense of what’s happening and find a steadier way forward.

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As Seen In…….

“Abandonment issues often stem from childhood experiences… a strong sense of being left behind, rejected, or excluded may have been acquired due to prolonged exposure to an unreliable, abusive, or absent caregiver.” — Chrystal Dunkers, LPC

Published in Mindbodygreen - The Psychology of Abandonment Issues & How the Affect Relationship

When the Relationship Isn’t Simple

When Old Patterns Show Up Fast

Sometimes you brace yourself before talking to your mother.

Not because you don’t care, but because you already know how it might go.

A comment, a tone, a look, and suddenly you’re pulled back into the same roles you’ve been trying to outgrow.

It’s confusing to want closeness and still feel anxious, frustrated, or overwhelmed around her.

do something for yourself

What It Looks Like in Real Life

And How It Shows Up With Your Mother

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Here’s what this tension often looks like for adult daughters:

Feeling tense the moment the phone rings
Getting defensive or irritated faster than you expect
Slipping into the “strong one” role, even when you don’t want to
Feeling responsible for her emotions, reactions, or comfort
Avoiding certain conversations to dodge conflict or judgment
Shutting down during interactions to keep things from escalating
Feeling guilty for setting boundaries or taking space
Feeling misunderstood no matter how clearly you explain yourself
Feeling like you’re parenting the parent
Wanting closeness but needing distance at the same time

These reactions aren’t random.

They’re learned roles your body slips into automatically.

Your Body Learned This Dynamic Early

This tension didn’t start in adulthood.

When you grow up navigating inconsistency, criticism, emotional distance, or being placed in the “strong one” role too early, your body learns to stay alert around your mother.

And a lot of what you do now — shutting down, holding everything in, getting reactive, or snapping fast — are patterns you saw modeled in your family as the way conflict was handled.

It made sense then, but it’s not working now!

These aren’t personal flaws.

They’re automatic responses your system learned a long time ago.

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What We Work On Together

Understanding the roles you were expected to play and how they still show up now
Slowing down the reactions that come up fast around your mother
Finding ways to speak for yourself without shutting down or snapping
Separating your needs from old expectations and family patterns
Setting boundaries that feel firm but not hostile and sticking to them
Learning how to stay grounded even when she slips into old behaviors

When Things Start to Shift Inside You

Two women smiling and posing closely together indoors, one with long braided hair with colorful beads, the other with shoulder-length curly hair, wearing patterned clothing.

You Don’t React the Same Way Around Her

Your body doesn’t go into defense mode as quickly.

You can navigate conversations without shutting down or snapping, and you stop slipping into the roles that never fit you.

Even if the relationship stays complicated, you feel more settled and less overwhelmed.

If You Want Something to Actually Change

This Is Your Moment to Choose Differently

If you want to stop reacting from old roles and start responding from who you are now, therapy can help you get there.

Reach out when you’re ready.

Let's talk

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Mother–Adult Daughter Support Across New Jersey

Whether you're in Camden, Morris, Monmouth, or Burlington County — or anywhere in New Jersey — I offer online therapy for adult daughters navigating stress and tension with their mothers.

Online therapy makes it easier to get consistent support from anywhere in New Jersey, without the extra time commitment of an office visit.